Responsible Parenting

Parenting is the toughest job in the world. We ask ourselves each day if we are nurturing our kids the right way and worry ourselves silly about their future. I don't pretend that I'm a perfect parent, the fact is that I'm not. I make mistakes because I'm human after all but I try my best to instill values in my children and steer them in the right direction.

The moment I was entrusted with the responsibility to care for and nurture a child, my sole goal was to ensure her survival in this world when I am no longer around. I believe that at some time or another, our children need to be independent from us, as although we would all love to live forever, the fact remains that we will not. That's why I have a beef with some parents whom I feel is just plain irresponsible.

These are parents who love their children so much they fail to see that they are spoiling them. How, you ask? By blaming their mistakes on fate and others because their children could do no wrong. They may think that they are doing that out of extreme love for their children but the fact is, their children are unable to fend for themselves because they were never taught how to. How long do they suppose they can molly-coddle their children? We all have to go back to our Maker some time or another, so what happens to these children, or adults who are so used to having someone cover for their mistakes?

It's irresponsible parenting when the parents claim that they've done all they can while they are alive and can't care for what happens to the children after they are long gone. I could only think that they are selfish because after they are dead, the kids will be left to fend for themselves, something of which they were never taught in the first place. That's not being entirely fair to them. Strangely some folks seem to feel this way. Certainly, that's akin to throwing the kids into the far end of the pool, so to speak, without first teaching them how to swim. As parents, it is our responsibility to nurture our children and ensure that they are fully equipped to survive on their own.

I make no apologies for how I feel about such parents. It matters not to me either whether these are young inexperienced parents or old folks who should have known better. The fact remains that they had a hand in how their children turned out, and fate has got nothing to do with it.

Family vs Career

How important is your career to you? If I had been asked this question when I was younger my answer then and now would have been as different as day and night.

I’m posing this question because these days many new parents are more than happy to leave their children at the baby-sitters’ full-time on weekdays, taking them home only on weekends. Often, their reasoning is they need enough sleep because they are a working couple but don’t we all? Somehow I sympathize with the children because home for them probably means the baby-sitters’.

I’ve relatives and friends who’d rather leave decision-making concerning their children to their parents or in-laws, almost always telling me that they felt their parents or in-laws know better, and besides, they are too busy with work. I’m sure they do but surely that’s no way to relinquish our responsibilities on them. If our mothers and their mothers before them were able to take care of our needs, surely we are able to do the same for our children.

Why do some women think it’s justifiable for them to place their responsibility on someone else instead? Is it because women these days have no confidence in themselves in caring for their family or is it because they feel that they are inadequate compared to their parents/in-laws? I find it hard to believe that successful businesswomen are unable to handle childcare and thus depend on someone else to do it for them. Certainly some will argue that career is important to them. I have a career too but I will as soon give it all up for my family. After being in the rat race for so many years, I’ve realized that career is not all that important anymore. I’ve learned to set my priorities straight because although it might be good for a while, my career will not last forever. At the end of the day, it is our families we return to and it is our families who will be there for us.

It’s too big a sacrifice to put our careers above our family. I’m not sure if it’s really worth the sacrifice. Do you?

Milk powder scare again

Recent news reports about contaminated milk powder in China again made headlines around the world, especially after 4 babies have died and thousands more made sick. This is the 2nd time problems relating to milk powder has happened in China, the first being "fake milk powder" that caused malnutrition to the babies.

It's so frightening these days that driven by greed, companies no longer cared about the consequences of their actions. Greed could be the only way to explain how they could prey on defenceless babies although I am sure it affects other users too. Whatever happened to integrity? How do the people who owned such companies close their eyes to sleep at night, knowing that their actions have caused harm to many?

How do we ensure that this will not happen again? How do we protect the users? I'm not sure if stricter food safety regulations is enough to change this mindset of greed. The truth is, we never know now if we're giving nutrition to our children or poisoning them.

The loss of innocence

Last week a pretty 16 year old girl was brutally murdered and her body burned by her murderers. It turns out that her murderer is a young man who is known to her. This is not the first case of young children being assaulted, raped or murdered. Who could forget Nurin Jazlin? Unfortunately, I doubt it will be the last.

What is becoming of our world, of humanity? How is it that young people are so reckless in their lives that they now think nothing of killing another?

It is so hard to read about young promising lives brutally cut short. How do we even comfort parents who lose their children this way?

The truth is, we are no longer safe no matter where we are. We have iron grilles in our house, but it does not stop the robbers from coming in. We tell our kids not to speak to strangers, but it is people known to them who do unspeakable things to them. As parents, we fear for our children more than ourselves. But what do we do? What can we do? Who should our children trust? How do we tell them that behind the mask of someone close to them, is a monster lurking within? We want so much to let our children be kids, but the reality is, childhood is no longer a time without worries.

I think back to the time when I was a child and knew that my parents never had to worry about my whereabouts. I had the freedom to live my childhood as only a child should. We could go out and play with our friends, coming home only for meals before dashing off to play again. These days, our children have no such luxury. They are under our watchful eyes at all times because we fear for their safety. In the process, they have lost so much more than their independence. They have lost their childhood, the most precious time of their lives.

An Asian Chinese upbringing

I am currently reading Hillary Rodham Clinton’s autobiography and I must say I admire her for her tenacity and her passion. I’ve always found strong women like her fascinating. It is women like her who leaves their mark in the world.

My mom grew up in an essentially traditional Chinese household where girls are taught to be respectful to their elders. They are not allowed to speak out as that would be contrived as rudeness to your elders. They are not allowed freedom to mix with their friends. Their role simply belongs in the kitchen.

Growing up, I had a mixture of the modern and traditional Chinese upbringing. My mom understands the importance of education of which she was denied, but she didn’t understand the need for the young to speak out and be heard because all her life, she has been taught that the very act of speaking out is of extreme rudeness to your elders.

I, on the other hand, having been exposed to books when I was young, do not understand why I have to do something simply because I was told to. I guess it’s something that’s inherently in my personality. Like any child these days, I am inquisitive. To make matters worse, I do not like to be told that there is something that I cannot do. Needless to say, our personality clashes do not make things easy, either for her or me.

It took me a long time to finally find my footing and to finally be strong enough to stand up for myself and what I believe in. We are still trying to come to grips with our differing roles as women of different generations. I certainly hope that the generation gap between my daughter and I will not be this great. As it is, I am already encouraging her to find her own voice. Her opinions are always welcomed, not frowned upon. She knows that there are no limits to what she can do. Like Hillary said, there are millions of cracks now in the glass ceiling.

As time passes, my mom is beginning to understand that women don’t just belong in the kitchen. They belong everywhere. And it is alright to speak out and be heard.

Bersatu

By now most people would have read about the local politician who stirred up a hornet’s nest last week by uttering racist remarks. It’s a pity really that after all these years of living together peacefully we all seem to be more divided than ever. Or at least that’s what our politicians will have us believe.

My daughter came back from school excitedly last week, declaring that she’s just learned a great song where children from all races sing together in unity. That title of the song, coincidentally, is “Bersatu” which in English means united. I can’t help but feel the irony of this, because it was just last week that the act of an irresponsible politician threatened the very fabric of unity in this country.

Parenting is no walk-in-the-park. It’s hard enough as it is and our politicians are not making things easier with all the remarks they make. I wish they would just make up their minds on what they really want for the country and its people because on one hand the kids are being taught to stand united together, and on the other we have politicians ripping apart the fabric of our unity.

How do I explain to my daughter the actions of the irresponsible politician especially when she’s been taught at home and at school that we should respect one and all irrespective of their skin colour and religion? Or perhaps it will be easier to just send the politicians back to Standard One to re-learn everything they have obviously forgot.

Growing Pains

I spent last week driving kids to school and I have to say, it was a most enlightening, if not scary, experience. I had initially thought that it would be a piece of cake but how wrong I was!

The little kids at kindergarten are no problem but the older kids are quite a bunch. How else do I describe kids who have barely reached puberty (aged 7 – 9) all talking about love, boys and girls as if they are experts? To say it was a complete culture shock for me is an understatement. I couldn’t help wondering, do they start this young now?

Those kids, they are a little too young, don’t you think? It’s the TV culture to be blamed, definitely, but I wonder if the parents know what their kids are up to in school? If they do, do they not do something about this? The girl I sent to school is 9 years old yet she brags about having a boyfriend in high school.

The way I see it, kids are growing way too fast these days. They may seem intellectually mature which is probably why we forget that they are still at a highly impressionable age. I doubt they are ready for love, either physically or emotionally.

I have no doubt that one day my daughter will go through this stage of growing up, but I hope I would have done my part in instilling in her values which we hold dear to us. Whatever happened to being proud of who you are? It seems that these days, peer pressure is such that kids all want to be seem cool to their peers.

Kids need our guidance as they venture out into life and it is our responsibility as parents to ensure that they are well-equipped to meet the demands of life.