Humans vs Monsters

I don't know where to start......

I am speechless. Horrified. Frightened. The source of this? The report in yesterday's papers about beggars in our midst. Not just any beggar, but beggars belonging to syndicates .... and highly disfigured with acid and missing limbs. I'm not afraid of the beggars, no. I'm horrified at the prospect that these might be victims of human trafficking.

These beggars were so badly disfigured that if their family members met them, they'll never recognize them. Beggars who lost their fingers to avoid detection by their authorities. No fingers means no fingerprints. It's the saddest thing. How did we, as humans, ever come to this stage?

I am horrified at the cruelty that my fellow human beings are capable of. Distraught for the family members of the victims who lose a loved one, never knowing where they are. Saddened for the lives of the victims who will now become slaves for a lifetime.

I wonder why we go on labelling mythical beings as monsters and fear ghouls when what we should really be doing is fear our human brothers and sisters for the cruelty that they are capable of. They are the real monsters in our midst.

Living with dyslexia

Dyslexia is often regarded as a developmental learning difficulty but I would like to think of it as learning difference.

If you’ve been reading my blog, I would never have come across as a dyslexic. The fact is I am. I’ve had to contend with learning difficulties in school because the traditional educational setting just do not recognize the possibility of children learning in a different way from their peers. It is especially so in the Malaysian educational setting where students learn by rote. It was exceptionally hard for me, thus I am almost always among the last in class during my school years. That’s not to say that I’m stupid. Far from it, actually. I won’t blow my own trumpet and say I’m exceptionally intelligent either. It is just that I do better at some subjects, languages and arts specifically, and just can’t understand other subjects. I was always the top scorer in school for English and Bahasa Malaysia so the teachers are always perplexed by the rest of my results. I have never had to sit down and study when it came to languages and arts. It all just came naturally. By the time I was in secondary school, I was helping some of my classmates with their homework. However, being good in languages is not enough to make it in life. My parents, worried for my future, sent me to tuition after tuition in the hope that my results would improve. That didn’t work, obviously, and I hated those after-school tuition sessions fervently. It was such a surprise to everyone that I even managed to scrape through my exams.

At that time, students were put into two categories, the smart ones and the not-so-smart ones. No one had any inkling about learning disabilities then. It’s a different world today, thank goodness because my daughter was recently diagnosed as a dyslexic too. I’m not too worried about her diagnostic because frankly, I don’t see dyslexia as a disability. I see it as more of a gift because dyslexics also happen to be very creative people. At a time when everyone wants to “think out of the box”, no one can do it better than dyslexics. Can you imagine what a boring world this would be without dyslexics? If dyslexic luminaries such as Albert Einstein, Leonardo da Vinci, Walt Disney, Lee Kuan Yew, Richard Branson and countless others can achieve such great heights of success, dyslexia can only be described as a gift.

When I am confronted by mothers who revel in discussing the number of As their children got in their last exam, I am comforted by what Sir Jackie Stewart said, “You be nice to people with dyslexia because one day you might be working for them”. That just about makes my day.

Reasons for divorce

Recently, it was reported in the local dailies that divorce rates were high in Terengganu. The reasons given for divorce borders on ridiculousness. How does boring sex, spouses in old pajamas and whose body odour smells like fish crackers even get into the equation for divorce these days? Boring sex life, maybe, but old pajamas and fish crackers? Call me old-fashioned, but whatever happened to simple old "irreconciliable differences" as reasons for divorce? If we're to believe such ludicruos reasons for divorce, then we'll all soon be expected to go to bed looking like Victoria's Secret models. Don't forget a spritz of a sexy perfume to raise the temperatures! Do we now have such unrealistic expectations for our spouses that a marriage can't work simply because the spouse concerned goes to bed donning old pajamas? The reasons are highly suspect, for it may seem like just an excuse to get rid of wife no. 1, to make way for wife no. 2, no. 3 and no. 4? What do you think?

Fear of .....?

Fear. Now, that’s a word that many of us can relate to. Being human, it’s natural for us to fear the unknown. However, I do think that people go overboard sometimes. Like fearing a bespectacled boy like Harry Potter, for instance.

I am always amused at why books/movies like Harry Potter and Da Vinci Code even warrant a religious discussion. Because to me, these are purely entertainment. I very much doubt that watching a two-hour movie like Harry Potter is going to make people want to join the occult. Surely it takes more than just a movie (a PG-13 rated one at that!) to want to sell your soul to the devil? No doubt the invasion of the vampires will soon get some people’s knickers in a twist again.

How amusing it is that people fear books, movies, setting foot in other places of worship, yoga, sport anything that resembles a dragon or worse, participate in the funeral rites for one’s parent. Did these people honestly believe that by indulging or participating in any of the above their faith in their religion will diminish? Or wiped out? Is it that simple? If their faith can be so easily shaken by something as trivial as these then obviously they need to rethink their faith. And no, I did not just pluck these examples out of the air. It’s unfortunate but I do happen to know people who fear all the above. The last example is most upsetting. I think it's unbecoming for a child to refuse to perform funeral rites for his parent because it is against his religion. Surely God will not begrudge a person a final act of filial piety?

I’ve been to many places of worship, participated in the activities, have had Christian cell group meetings at my home and even pray alongside my children at night (to Jesus Christ!) but I’ve never been tempted to simply rush out and convert to Christianity. My faith in my religion has never been shaken and it will never be.

My point is, do we really need to be told that we can’t do this, can’t watch this, can’t do that? Are we incapable of making our own decisions? It is an inherent part of human nature to be curious about things and being restricted means added curiosity equals to mistakes. Anyway, we don’t need moral guardians, well, at least I don’t need them because they are an absolute insult to my intelligence. I just wish that people have a little more faith in themselves instead of feeling threatened by everything that comes along their path. Life is just not meant to be lived that way.

A family of bookworms

Books have always been an integral part of my life, partly stemmed from the fact that as a child, toys were a luxury my family could ill afford. My toys were almost always dismembered remnants of what it should have been so I had no other choice but to look elsewhere for entertainment. My fondest childhood memories centered around my favourite books, books that were everywhere in the house, brought home by my father who was then working for a publishing company. They were not only my source of entertainment, they were also very much a source of knowledge in my growing up years. I remembered reading for the first time the Pharoahs of Egypt and seeing Tutankhamun's gold sarcophagus in all its splendour. I was immediately hooked and my fixation with the ancient Egyptians has continued to this day.

As I grew, it was only right that my fondness for books grew too. I started buying books and soon, I had amassed quite a collection. I loved my books, old as they may be. Each one of them have given me so much joy. They were a form of escapism for me, to escape from the realities of life for a short while. My reality is not at all bad, of course, but I do believe it's healthy to just let go once in a while. You see, it's a little different for me when I read, for the characters from the stories come to life in my mind's eye and for a time even, I lived and breathed the stories that I read. I can see, hear and feel the characters so vividly they almost seemed real. It can be quite disorienting at times, but that just adds to the excitement. I loved books that are very descriptive because it just makes it so much more real for me. I've spent many a sleepless night for that reason.

I am not limited to just a few choices when it comes to books. I'll read anything - be it fiction or non-fiction. My choice of book depends very much on the mood I'm in although I draw the line at "trash". I read on a wide range of subjects - autobiographies by famous world leaders are a favourite. I also like thrillers and conspiracy theories that keep me on the edge. I have no qualms reading horror books either although I'm quite the scaredy-cat. I have always had such a morbid fascination with vampires and I've a collection from Bram Stoker's Dracula to Anne Rice's Lestat to my current favourite, Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga. I guess it wouldn't be very far off-mark to say I'm always well-read.

My love of reading have rubbed off quite positively on my eldest daughter. She was introduced to books at 5 months old and she's loved them ever since. She's 8 now, and not a day goes by without her reading at least a page a day. Obviously I've amassed quite a collection of children's books too. Our collection has many an award winner as well as encyclopedias and children classics. I've recently introduced books to my youngest, who's almost 6 months old. Hopefully, in time she'll enjoy reading with us too.

Recently I gave away boxes of my old books to my hubby's church library. I did it with a heavy heart because those books were such a huge part of my past. I will take comfort that instead of languishing in the store room packed into boxes, those books will now be a part of someone else's life. I hope it will bring immense joy to the reader, whoever that may be, just as it had for me.

Why?

I had another one of those conversations recently with someone from the older generation and again, it affirms the wide generation gap that separates us.

Our discussion centred on the fate of women whose husbands-to-be died before their wedding. As with most of my discussions with members of the older generations, it seemed to me that all the blame is simply pinned onto the unfortunate women. And so, I've come to the conclusion that our sisters are suffering simply because it is us women who make it so. Yes, in the past the men might have set the double standards, but it is the women who ensured that such double standards are carried out religiously. How else do you explain that they label the unfortunate bride-to-be as "white foot soles" (a direct translation from Hokkein) which means bad luck? To me that just smacks of absolute insensitivity at a time when all we needed to do was to offer our condolences and where possible, our help.

This isn't the first time a woman is blamed for whatever bad luck that befalls her family. Sometimes, it isn't just women who gets the blame. Would you believe that even newborn babies are blamed? If a woman dies after childbirth, the newborn is deemed to have brought her mother bad luck. How is it that we can simply label an innocent newborn and have her grow up in a society with such a stigma hovering over her head? Could we not give a thought instead to how the poor baby had to grow up without a mother's love?

I'm not sure if those people who so easily label the innocent realize that one day, it just might be them at the other end of the stick. I wonder when it comes to that, would they have even liked it one bit?

I'm aware that the older generation will still steadfastly hold onto such "traditions" because it is a part of their culture. But surely, we don't necessarily have to keep cultures that condemn and hurt, especially when we can all make educated decisions. It is up to us, the younger generation, to effect that change by teaching our children that now is the time to stop the blame.

Sigh .... !!

I read this very scary piece of news in The Star today.

The sky’s the limit for Malacca’s Mat Rempit
By MARTIN CARVALHO
MALACCA: The state has issued a challenge to youth nationwide especially Mat Rempit to take to the skies in a micro-light aircraft.
To make good the challenge, the state via Tabung Yayasan Melaka, is offering RM6,000 loans to those interested in obtaining their micro-light aircraft pilot licence here with the 4B Youth Movement flying club based in Sungai Rambai, Jasin.
“I hope the Mat Rempit will take up the offer and learn how to fly an aircraft instead of racing illegally on the roads and getting themselves killed,” Chief Minister Datuk Seri Mohd Ali Rustam said when opening the Malacca Air Carnival yesterday.

If it's not bad enough that they terrorize the roads, now we are encouraging them to terrorize the skies. Soon there'll be a new catchphrase - It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a Mat Rempit!!! Run for your lives!!!!

Menace on our streets

The road thugs are at it again. In recent months, they have attacked both local and foreigners, male and female, young and old, able and disabled. It seems the authorities are finally coming to terms that this menace is now spinning out of control. According to the authorities the reason these youths have turned to a life of crime (call it what you will, as far as I am concerned, it’s crime) because they are bored. I don’t understand why we are even validating them by accepting such ridiculous excuses. I am sure most youths have their moments of boredom but they don’t exactly go on rampage on the streets, do they? Our authorities and politicians have for far too long treated these thugs with kid gloves. From suggestions that these thugs be turned into role models (go figure!) to sending them off to rehab and national service (please, not the same place our kids go to!), the only thing they have not really done is to throw these thugs into jail. As far as I am concerned, if they are not too young to hurt and maim, they are not too young to be severely punished. The authorities must stop glamorizing their actions and just jail them instead of slapping them on their wrists. It’s time the citizens regain our safety on the streets. We deserve as much.

Responsible Parenting

Parenting is the toughest job in the world. We ask ourselves each day if we are nurturing our kids the right way and worry ourselves silly about their future. I don't pretend that I'm a perfect parent, the fact is that I'm not. I make mistakes because I'm human after all but I try my best to instill values in my children and steer them in the right direction.

The moment I was entrusted with the responsibility to care for and nurture a child, my sole goal was to ensure her survival in this world when I am no longer around. I believe that at some time or another, our children need to be independent from us, as although we would all love to live forever, the fact remains that we will not. That's why I have a beef with some parents whom I feel is just plain irresponsible.

These are parents who love their children so much they fail to see that they are spoiling them. How, you ask? By blaming their mistakes on fate and others because their children could do no wrong. They may think that they are doing that out of extreme love for their children but the fact is, their children are unable to fend for themselves because they were never taught how to. How long do they suppose they can molly-coddle their children? We all have to go back to our Maker some time or another, so what happens to these children, or adults who are so used to having someone cover for their mistakes?

It's irresponsible parenting when the parents claim that they've done all they can while they are alive and can't care for what happens to the children after they are long gone. I could only think that they are selfish because after they are dead, the kids will be left to fend for themselves, something of which they were never taught in the first place. That's not being entirely fair to them. Strangely some folks seem to feel this way. Certainly, that's akin to throwing the kids into the far end of the pool, so to speak, without first teaching them how to swim. As parents, it is our responsibility to nurture our children and ensure that they are fully equipped to survive on their own.

I make no apologies for how I feel about such parents. It matters not to me either whether these are young inexperienced parents or old folks who should have known better. The fact remains that they had a hand in how their children turned out, and fate has got nothing to do with it.

Wise advice for women

I received another email from a friend and have decided to share it here because it's so true. Read it and remember it ladies, because you have to respect yourselves before others can respect you. Nothing upsets me more than women who still choose to ignore the signs and yet make excuses for men's misbehaviour, hoping against hope that they will change. If women in some countries are fighting tooth and nail for their rights to make their choices, why do women like us, women who are privileged enough to be able to make our own choices, choose to throw that privilege away? More often than not, many women are afraid they'll end up alone, grow old alone. But is that any excuse to settle for just about any man who mistreats or disrespect you? Just so you have a companion? What use is a companion who strips you of your dignity? Keep your dignity ladies, teach your daughters. If a man can't accept you as his equal, then he doesn't deserve you.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't 'be friends'. A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is
Don't stay because you think 'it will get better'
You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.


Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything.* He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behaviour.* Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...
Even if he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...
Compromise is two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...
There is nothing cute about baggage...
Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...
A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...
Look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted

Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.*
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Scared of being alone is what makes a lot of women stay in relationships that are abusive or hurtful: Dr. Phil

You should know that:
You're the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he'll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he's not the only one.

They're all watching you, so you have a lot of choices..
Make the right one.

Post-natal depression

I'm due to deliver our 2nd baby anytime now. I'm excited at the prospect of meeting the little life that I've been carrying within me for the past 10 months. What I'm really afraid of is post-natal depression. I've had a mild case when I delivered our first child. For weeks after delivery, I would suddenly burst into tears for no apparent reason and felt like the whole world is crashing down around me. The uncontrollable sadness that enveloped me each day scares me to this day. It's the worst feeling in the world because I felt like I'm losing control of myself. For someone who prides myself for always being in control of situations, that is one scary feeling. I wonder if it will happen again this time? Perhaps the first time around I was overwhelmed with being a first-time mother. Perhaps it's trying to adhere to all those nitty-gritty traditions of keeping a certain type of diet, keeping warm etc. I've spoken to my family so that they can keep me in check, just in case. I'm not ashamed of admitting to post-natal depression, if we need help, then we need help. It's just a matter of awareness so that we keep ourselves and those around us, safe.

What a woman wants

I received the following email from a friend and I'd like to share it because I think that it's true for modern women.

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question......

'What kind of man are you looking for?'

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking..

'Do you really want to know?'
Reluctantly, he said, 'Yes.'

She began to expound... As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man. I am in the position to ask, 'What can you bring to the table?'

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought and stated, 'I am not referring to money. I need something more.' I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life.'
He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

She said, 'I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentallybecause I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man or one who is solely about sexual desires.' I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked... believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster. I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don't need a financial burden. I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded. I am looking for someone whom I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive....he just has to be worthy. God made woman to be a helpmate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself.

When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, 'You're asking a lot.'

She replied, 'I'm worth a lot.'

Abuse

It’s been barely a couple of weeks ago that Chris Brown made headlines by battering Rihanna and now comes news that they’ve apparently made up and even married.

This is actually devastating news, considering Rihanna is also a role-model for many young fans. I’d hate to think that young girls who look up to her will now think that it is acceptable to be battered and that things will get better and lovey-dovey after a few apologies.

A man should never be allowed to raise his hand on a woman, period. It does not matter if he thinks he is justified to hit her for whatever reason. It is simply not acceptable behaviour. Once the beating starts, it never really stops. It’s a vicious cycle. Many women believe that their man will not beat them anymore after making heartfelt apologies, but you’d only have to look at the Women Aid centres to see that this is not the case.

Girls and women need to be made aware of their rights to be treated with dignity and respect. It is indeed sad that some willingly allow themselves to be abused all in the name of love. Is it really worth it in the end?

Damn people!

This post is just a rant to let off steam and may I add, have no resemblance to anyone, living or dead. Any resemblance is purely coincidental.

Has anyone ever met the kind of people who thinks the whole world owes them a living? That nothing they ever do is wrong, but it is the rest of the world who is at fault instead?

How can anyone make their own decisions, then when it doesn't work out, try and pin the blame on fate and others? Oh, life is not what I expected, life is not treating me well enough. I hate my job. Oh, did I mention someone forgot to roll out the red carpet for me? I demand that life treat me better or else! It's just not my fault, it's someone else's.

When a relationship is not going well, what do they do? Stick with the wrong person until they find a new one. A wrong person is better than no person, no? And when that doesn't work, what do they do? Oh, why oh why am I in such a rotten life? A blind person can "see" where they went wrong, but no, they themselves don't see it. It's not their fault by the way, didn't you realize?

How about finally taking responsibility for their own actions? How about finally admitting that they are the ones responsible for their own predicament and not others? How about realizing that once you make a decision you have to stick with it and not expect others to dig you out of the hole? Because no matter how stinky the hole is, you went in there yourself so you better dig yourself out of it. Of course it doesn't help that there are actually people supporting such thinking so of course these people believe it is still not their fault. I think that's just letting them fall deeper into the abyss and not really throwing them a lifeline. But then again, I'm not sure if what they wanted is a lifeline. Perhaps all they wanted is help to push them into freefall into the abyss. Well if that is what they want, then I will play no part in it.

So there they go again, blaming others, dead or alive, for their own predicament. They want people to forgive and forget, and yet they themselves hold on tightly to their warped sense of what is right and wrong. Do they care about being fair to others? Have they actually given a thought to others instead of thinking about themselves? It's all about me, me and me. No, they only care about what makes THEM happy. But then again, everything they do is right. Silly me.

Isn't it about time for people such as these to look themselves in the mirror? As far as I am concerned, our problems are our own. If you have a problem, solve it. Stop that pity party, stop blaming others and start getting on with your life. Life is no bed of roses, and if it took them that long to finally realize that, what a pitiful life they must lead.

Schoolkids and politics

I came across this article from NST and I’ll have to say I’m stumped that our Education Ministry is even actually considering such a plan. One would have thought that they should instead concentrate on improving the education standards in our schools (which is what they are supposed to do!) instead of organizing such protests involving schoolchildren to gain political mileage. For one thing, I firmly believe that politics and/or religion have no place in education and should never be mixed. What kind of morals are we instilling in our children when our Education Ministry is encouraging our children to take to the streets in protest? More so when application for protests are usually rejected and deemed illegal assemblies anyway. So on one hand we will be telling our children to go protest and on the other hand we tell them it will also be illegal. Such contrasts!

Honestly, I resent the fact that our children are being used in such a blatant manner for political mileage. Instead of wasting manpower, time and money in such a hare-brained plan, I think it would do more good for the ministry to simply focus on ensuring that our schools churn out better educated students with common sense. God knows we will need such leaders in future.


Gaza Under Siege: Ministry plans huge protest by schoolkids

By Regina Lee
2009/01/09

PUTRAJAYA: Nearly all schoolchildren in the country will be mobilised to protest against the Gaza offensive by Israeli forces. Education Minister Datuk Seri Hishammuddin Hussein said about five million pupils and 360,765 teachers from more than 10,000 schools would be involved.
“This is to create a wave of pressure for the Israelis to stop their violence and oppression of Palestinian civilians.”
He said the ministry would be working with the Information, Foreign, and Youth and Sports Ministries, as well as Peace Malaysia, to expand the campaign to a mega scale.
“When we protested against the US invasion in Iraq, we managed to get 200,000 people into Putra Stadium, Bukit Jalil.
“We are confident that youth leaders from political parties, including those in Pakatan Rakyat will join us in this fight against the Zionist regime,” he said after his ministry’s New Year gathering at Putrajaya International Convention Centre here yesterday.
Hishammuddin said the directive was passed in the cabinet meeting on Wednesday.
Asked on the danger of exposing children to such atrocities, the minister said: “When they grow up, they will have to face global issue like peace, environment and the economic crisis.”
He said he would be using the Unesco platform, of which he is an executive board member, to voice out Malaysia’s concern over the Gaza crisis.

Obama wins!

What a historic day today is! Today a black man is elected President of the United States of America, something that I think not many people believed they will witness in their lifetime. I'm as excited for America as are the rest of the world.

Obama's victory speech I think transcends every country and culture in the world. It's not just for America. Don't we all hope for the same? For we are all one no matter where we are from.

"This is our moment. This is our time -- to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth -- that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes We Can,"

Family vs Career

How important is your career to you? If I had been asked this question when I was younger my answer then and now would have been as different as day and night.

I’m posing this question because these days many new parents are more than happy to leave their children at the baby-sitters’ full-time on weekdays, taking them home only on weekends. Often, their reasoning is they need enough sleep because they are a working couple but don’t we all? Somehow I sympathize with the children because home for them probably means the baby-sitters’.

I’ve relatives and friends who’d rather leave decision-making concerning their children to their parents or in-laws, almost always telling me that they felt their parents or in-laws know better, and besides, they are too busy with work. I’m sure they do but surely that’s no way to relinquish our responsibilities on them. If our mothers and their mothers before them were able to take care of our needs, surely we are able to do the same for our children.

Why do some women think it’s justifiable for them to place their responsibility on someone else instead? Is it because women these days have no confidence in themselves in caring for their family or is it because they feel that they are inadequate compared to their parents/in-laws? I find it hard to believe that successful businesswomen are unable to handle childcare and thus depend on someone else to do it for them. Certainly some will argue that career is important to them. I have a career too but I will as soon give it all up for my family. After being in the rat race for so many years, I’ve realized that career is not all that important anymore. I’ve learned to set my priorities straight because although it might be good for a while, my career will not last forever. At the end of the day, it is our families we return to and it is our families who will be there for us.

It’s too big a sacrifice to put our careers above our family. I’m not sure if it’s really worth the sacrifice. Do you?

Children of Cambodia

I've travelled to many countries, each one leaving me with distinct memories. One country that I could not forget is Cambodia. The Angkor Wat is beautiful of course, but it is the people, or more accurately, the street children of Cambodia who left the most lasting impressions on me.

Most of us have no idea how lucky we are to have all that we have now. It is the same with me, unfortunately, that is, until I went to Siem Reap. My sole intention of going to Siem Reap was to visit the world famous Angkor Wat, a wholly selfish reason. I got my wish of course, but I also gained something else. I gained an insight on how tough life is for the street children who had to work to ensure their survival. Most times, it is not just their survival, but that of their families as well. Such heavy burdens on such small shoulders.

The street children of Siem Reap do not go to schools, a luxury unknown to them. Instead, children no taller than 3 feet are out on the streets daily, cajoling tourists like me to buy their wares. "One dollar, you buy?" is but a popular phrase. If the tourists do not understand English, no problem, there's Japanese, French, Spanish, German, Korean, Mandarin that they are able to converse in, just take your pick. I am amazed by their will to survive and adaptability, to make that extra dollar that will make such a huge difference to their families. An extra dollar that means practically nothing to us who are so used to our lifestyles. Certainly, their willingness and ease in learning a new language puts some of our local graduates who gripe about learning English to shame.

It's a sad sight to see street children who wait outside the many restaurants and ice-cream parlours in Siem Reap catering to tourists because such luxury is out-of-reach to them. Do we not feel guilty indulging in such luxury, bubble-wrapped in our worldly comforts while the children outside have barely enough to eat daily? How do you even begin to comfort a small child waiting outside with such hope in his eyes? How do you feel seeing a child without legs propping himself on a makeshift trolley begging for your spare change? I am ashamed that on the first day of my visit, I haggled with the lady selling books that are already so cheap. That feeling of shame never left me, so long after I left. How I could have thought that I got myself a good deal, when I am actually depriving them of money that they so needed? Money that is just spare change to me. I actually looked for her on the subsequent days, hoping to redeem myself, but sadly I never found her.

The children showed me so much more than the beauty of Angkor. They showed me that in order to survive, we need to be resilient and driven in the midst of adversity. It is not self-pity they wallow in, it is hope. They have shown me that in times when things look bleak, there is a glimmer of hope. The children have given me much more than I could ever asked for and I am forever grateful to them.

Parenting advices

When we first started on our journey to parenthood, my hubby and I had many well-meaning (depending on how you looked at it) relatives and friends who were very eager to share with us tips on childcare. The advices we got were mostly useful, save for some that were completely devoid of common sense.

One of the most ridiculous advices we received was that it’s ok for kids to partake alcohol, as long as it’s done right under our watchful eyes. How anyone in their right frame of mind could have thought of such a thing is really beyond my comprehension. Needless to say, I was completely horrified although I could not fault the person for not leading by example.

Then, there are also some who openly rebuke us for many of our choices for our daughter.

Is it not our responsibility as parents to provide the best we can for our kids, be it in attention, love or care? Although at that time we were first-time parents, we’re well-read and luckily, have the advice of many people who are experienced parents. Our daughter is now a happy 7 year old who is bright and kind. If anything, I think we’ve done a pretty good job at being parents.

I guess we can’t stop people from giving us advices, but I think the key for new parents is to listen to the ones who make the most sense and go with your instincts. In case instincts don't kick in, there's always lots of useful information on the internet that could be relied on. Whatever it is, the journey to parenthood is one of the greatest gifts of all. It's the gift of self-discovery.

Milk powder scare again

Recent news reports about contaminated milk powder in China again made headlines around the world, especially after 4 babies have died and thousands more made sick. This is the 2nd time problems relating to milk powder has happened in China, the first being "fake milk powder" that caused malnutrition to the babies.

It's so frightening these days that driven by greed, companies no longer cared about the consequences of their actions. Greed could be the only way to explain how they could prey on defenceless babies although I am sure it affects other users too. Whatever happened to integrity? How do the people who owned such companies close their eyes to sleep at night, knowing that their actions have caused harm to many?

How do we ensure that this will not happen again? How do we protect the users? I'm not sure if stricter food safety regulations is enough to change this mindset of greed. The truth is, we never know now if we're giving nutrition to our children or poisoning them.